It hit me like a ton of bricks on Monday. I am absolutely horrified at the age gap that's going to be between my kids. It's actually like a cloud of horror has been hovering above me. Not that I didn't realize the age gap would be huge. But now I fully realize this is going to be a huge struggle. Camron's had nothing but my attention since he was born and he will be 6 before he's a big brother. I'm scared for him. Scared that no matter how hard we try he wont feel loved by us. I'm scared his whole little world will be turned upside down. I'm even more horrified that he wont communicate with us when he's feeling left out etc. etc. Even tho it was our vow to make sure we each spend time away from home with him, without the baby so that he doesn't feel like he cant have fun with us or that he cant spend alone time with us. Babies change a lot of things. I know this experience will be different from the last. All I had to worry about before was weather I was ready to be a parent. I knew I would be the best parent I could be when all I had to worry about was myself and little Cam in my belly. I pretty much just needed to vent. Although I don't feel much better now..
On the bright side I have my first ultrasound today. I wish I was more excited but I'm having a really hard time getting myself there. Shawn will miss it because he is out of town and I am going by myself. Not to mention I'm just scared to be a mother of two.. UGH! Somebody help me please.
Hopefully I have good news to report this afternoon to make up for this depressing post. Life isn't just up's its up's and downs.
You are going to be great, and Cam is going to be fine! Stop stressing!!
ReplyDelete